Holy Cow

Tosfos explain that the cow did not actually want to be a nazir. Rather, the man staring at the cow had a moment of bovine inspiration. If he were a cow, faced with the daunting task of getting up, he would say, “I’ll be a nazir if I could get up without assistance.” The man is then taking his own thoughts and projecting them on the cow. (Similar to what the American populace does with Grumpy Cat.) Tosfos say we have a precedent for this in Tanach. A literal translation of the pasuk (1:4) in Yonah is, “And the boat thought it would break.” The boat didn’t actually think it would break. The verse is just attributing to the boat what everyone thought about the boat.

Still, even after we understand the man’s black-and-white projection, it is hard to understand why he should have to be a nazir. He is just saying what he would say if he were a cow. But he isn’t a cow! Still, after hearing his statement, we would ask him “How now, brown cow? Why are you telling us your thoughts on cows? Are you somehow trying to milk it for some jokes?” “No,” he would answer, “the steaks are higher.” He is telling us that he wants to be a nazir. Granted, his phraseology is as awkward as a cow on a crutch, but we are able to see his intentions. He just had a funny way of declaring his nezirus vow. In any case, he can’t be faulted for his poor choice of words, as he probably attended some cow college.

As an interesting aside, the Gemara in Sukkah (28a) teaches us that Rebbe Yochanan ben Zakkai understood the speech of trees. Rashi comments that he doesn’t know what this refers to. The Rashbam in Bava Basra says it refers to what people say about trees. Rebbe Yochanan ben Zakkai was an arborist and knew how to cure diseases that affect trees. He also knew the ideal growing conditions for various types of trees. Rabbeinu Gershom explained that Rebbe Yochanan ben Zakkai knew spiritual incantations to utter that would affect the trees. However, the Rashba seems to understand the Gemara literally. Rebbe Yochanan ben Zakkai understood what the trees were saying when they swayed in the wind. The Ritva similarly understands it literally, but says the trick is to understand what the trees are saying when the wind isn’t blowing. Still, even according to the Rashba and Ritva who seem to understand that trees and maybe cows are somehow capable of intelligent speech or thought, they wouldn’t be anything that anyone but Rebbe Yochanan ben Zakkai could comprehend. The Gemara then in Nazir still has a valid point that cows don’t talk.

Back to the person discussed in the Mishnah, he is a nazir according to Beis Shammai. However, he didn’t specify a time period for his nezirus. The halachah is that without specifying otherwise, a person is a nazir for 30 days, not until the cows come home. ™