An Age-Old Question

Rav Yosef Weissmandl took his son Rav Chaim Michoel Dov (Michoel Ber) Weissmandl (1903–1957) to receive a berachah from Rav Yosef Tzvi Dushinsky (1867–1948). Rav Michoel Dov was just a young boy of 11 at the time. While they were visiting Rav Dushinsky, someone else entered to ask the rav a question: A shidduch was suggested for a young man with a woman who was older than him. Was the shidduch appropriate? A young Michoel Ber asked Rav Dushinsky for permission to answer to the question, which was immediately granted.

Michoel Ber began to weave together three separate passages of Gemara. The Gemara (Bava Metzia 84a) relates that Rebbe Yochanan was swimming, when the chief of a group of bandits noticed him. The head bandit took a massive leap and landed next to Rebbe Yochanan. Whereupon Rebbe Yochanan remarked, “Your strength is appropriate for Torah learning.”

The chief bandit replied, “And your beauty is fit for a woman!”

Rebbe Yochanan replied, “If you do teshuvah, I will let you marry my sister, who is more beautiful than me.” The bandit repented and became the great Amora known as Reish Lakish. When Reish Lakish passed away, Rebbe Yochanan tore his garments. The Maharsha explains that Rebbe Yochanan was following the law that one tears his clothing upon the death of his Rebbe. Reish Lakish had come so far from being a bandit that he was even considered to be a rebbe of Rebbe Yochanan.

The Gemara relates that while Reish Lakish was on his deathbed, his wife requested that her brother, Rebbe Yochanan, daven for him. Tosfos say that it is therefore clear that Reish Lakish did in fact marry Rebbe Yochanan’s sister in fulfillment of Rebbe Yochanan’s deal with him.

The Gemara in Kiddushin says that Rebbe Yochanan’s father died before he was born. Rebbe Yochanan’s mother died soon after he was born. Therefore, any sibling of Rebbe Yochanan was certainly older than he was.

Lastly, the Gemara in Meilah (7b) states that Rebbe Yochanan called Reish Lakish “Yenuka,” which means “young one.” Rashi explains that this name was appropriate because, in fact, Reish Lakish was younger than Rebbe Yochanan.

So Michoel Ber concluded, “It is therefore clear that Reish Lakish married Rebbe Yochanan’s older sister who was older than him as well.”

Rav Dushinsky enjoyed the proof so much that he kissed the young man on his head. From then on, if the question was ever raised about a man marrying a woman who is older than himself, Rav Dushinsky would repeat Michoel Ber’s answer.

Why would one think that one should not marry a woman who is older than him?

The Gemara says, “Rav Yehuda said in Rav’s name: Forty days before the formation of a fetus, a Heavenly voice proclaims, ‘The daughter of Ploni (so-and-so) is intended for Ploni (this baby).’”

Why doesn’t the Gemara simply state that a Heavenly voice proclaims that so-and-so will marry so-and-so? Why does the Gemara refer to the potential wife as “the daughter of so-and-so”? A simple explanation would be that at the time of the Heavenly proclamation regarding this male child, his female counterpart hasn’t been conceived yet, so she is referred to as the daughter of some person, rather than as a person herself. Hence, in the preordained union, the male partner is older than the female.

However, Tosfos clearly did not agree with that conclusion. Tosfos explain that the announcement is always made before the male child is formed, “whether or not the female was already born.” The preordained wife could have already been born when the Heavenly voice proclaims which male child she will marry. Hence, it is perfectly fine for a man to marry a woman who is older than he is.

Still, how are we to understand the Gemara’s use of the phrase “the daughter of so-and-so” instead of the simpler “so-and-so”? Various suggestions have been offered. The Iyun Yaakov explains that the Torah gives a father the right to marry off his daughter until she turns 12½. Since the father can take a more active role in his daughter’s marriage, the Gemara refers to the girl as the daughter of so-and-so. ™